How to plan a wedding with difficult parents? That is the answer we all are dying to know. Regardless of how your parents or in-laws are being difficult, it all comes down to the following question, what do you do when your parents hijack your wedding preparations or your wedding planning and how do you solve it?
Ugh right, I mean weddings are already stressful and this is the last thing you need for planning your wedding. Am I right? Let’s talk about how you can survive this.
Get Into Their Shoes
We established that one of the common problems couples run into is the pressure of their families taking over. This basically means that ideas are just being thrown at you left, right and centre. You are probably being booked or set up with things you don’t want.
These ideas and suggestions start to weigh you down. You feel like you are in a board meeting of your family planning out your wedding without you. Believe me, I know it can feel so overwhelming.
You are going to have to identify why she or he is trying to hijack your wedding in the first place. Is it your mother in law? and is this her only son or firstborn getting married? Or your mother who is pushing her dream wedding on you? Is your father or father-in-law paying for the wedding?
When you can step into their shoes and see why they are being so difficult for your wedding planning, you can best find an approachable and reasonable solution. So, what do you do?
Find Your Voice
Let’s face it, your voice got lost somewhere in the crowd and I need you to find your voice. Make sure you don’t get bulldoze in your own wedding planning because it can happen. You are going to have a moment where you are wondering whose wedding is this. Well, I am here to tell you that this is your wedding, so now you need to take back the role of planning again.
I am not telling you that your parent’s views are not important. Your parents are just so excited that they have forgotten it is your wedding and not theirs. It happens more than we like to admit it.
Yes, it is a special time for them. Yes, they gave birth to you, brought you up and so on but remember to let them know that whatever you have planned is what you and your mate want. How do you do this?
Say No Without Them Realizing
The best way to say no without them realizing is to let your parents know that “you will consider their ideas and input” or “Thank you for the suggestion, I am going to think about it and discuss it with my fiancé” or “That is a great idea. I will definitely think about it as an option.”
And “I appreciate your ideas, we talked about it and agree that even though it is a great idea, it just doesn’t work well with our wedding theme.” Done. Pop some confetti and smile, my friend.
Why I am telling you to say this is because it gives them the satisfaction of inclusion. Your parents want to feel included in the planning. This is what they desire so saying the lines I mentioned give them that desired inclusion, but you have the final say at the end.
Even though you may not go with any of their ideas your parents or in-laws suggested, they are going to at least feel heard and included in some way.
Related: Great Ways To Make Your Guests Feel Included In Your Wedding
Don’t Feel Guilty
Some of us may feel guilty about not following all the suggestions their parents offered or you don’t want to cause a fight or appear to be rude. We are made to believe that we owe our parents when it comes to our wedding. This to me has always been the part that is misunderstood.
There is a fine line between blindly following your parents every whim and showing respect for your parents. Showing respect doesn’t mean doing everything they tell you too. You are not a young kid anymore.
You don’t need to be guilty about setting up boundaries. In fact, sit with your fiancé and create boundaries for your parents. By doing this, you both are strong if a wedge tries to come between you.
You need to show respect to your parents (or in-laws) by considering their feelings. However, do not prioritize parents over a fiancé or remove the boundaries you have set to follow their every wish.
Related: How to Plan Your Wedding Without Planner
How Much Say Should Parents Have In A Wedding?
My best advice is to find a middle ground for your parents. If possible, assign your parents or in-laws their own project or task for the wedding. After discussing the most important items you want control over with your fiancé, decide on items you least cherish and hand out those tasks to your parents.
For example, if the cocktail hour is not your highest concern then give that task to your in-laws to put together. This eases the pressure while allowing everyone to feel included.
What if your parents are paying for the wedding? If they are, they are for sure going to have an expectation of making decisions because it is a huge investment. Try to have a meeting at the very start of your wedding planning and have an open conversation.
Know their requirements or restrictions and address any disagreement ahead of time. You will want everyone to be on the same page before making any payments. Assigning tasks will also be helpful so that your parents can feel included in their investment.
Final Say
Remember both parents are excited for you. This is a huge moment for them especially if you are the first, last or only child. That doesn’t me that you have to forget about yourself and what you really want for your wedding. You got this and can plan a wedding with difficult parents.
You just need to get into your parent’s shoes, find your voice, say no without them realizing and don’t feel guilty. You decide on how much say your parents should have at your wedding, make some compromise and find the middle ground for peaceful wedding planning.
[…] Related: How to Plan A Wedding With Difficult Parents […]