Alright so, how to declutter your friends the right way doesn’t sound too great. I know, I am cringing at the reaction you are probably making right now but like decluttering your home or your life, you want to remove things or objects that have no use anymore so why would your friends be any different. That sounds so harsh I know.
You can totally disagree but when I think about life, I think about friendships and relationships in it. Now I am not going into the family category, that is different, and a whole other level on its own. Today we are talking about friends. As we grow and change in our lives, so does our friends and friendships. Bare with me because it is not as bad as you are thinking.
Reevaluate Your Friendships
Some of us have friends since high school, nothing has changed and life only keeps growing together. That is fantastic! This is not a friendship you have to rethink. If you love their company and all their flaws and awesomeness. This is not the friendship you need to look into. What you need to look into is the friends that honestly feel like you are pulling teeth, their lives stress you out and you don’t feel comfortable sharing anything about your life with. This should be a red flag.
You need to ask yourself: Why are you holding onto a friendship that is simply not working? What is the reason why you are keeping this person in your life? Does this person bring anything to the table in this friendship or is it always on you? Is this a one-way friendship where this person doesn’t make an effort?Â
Now don’t get me wrong everyone is busy. You are busy, your friends are busy but do both of you make an effort to reach out at least once a month. If you do, when you get together or speak on the phone does it feel like no time has passed or does if feel different like it is forced conversation, it doesn’t flow? This where you need to revaluate your friendship with this person.
Surround Yourself With Motivation
I am all about surrounding yourself with people who support you or motivate you in your life. This could mean that this person is someone you look up to for advice and is a great listener when you need him or her. Knows you well enough to give you the right advice but also allows you to make your own decisions. He or she does not make you feel bad if you didn’t follow their advice or make you feel even more horrible about a mistake you did make. You want to feel comfortable to speak your truth but also get that motivation to keep going.
As much as people think who you surround yourself doesn’t matter. It really does. Who you surround yourself with can get you to where you want to be or it can keep you stuck. Your friends that you surround yourself with can subconsciously change the way you think, the way you live and the way you communicate with others because we are all sponges soaking in thoughts, feelings and advice.
Remove the Toxic
Right off the bat, you need to remove toxic people in your life. Yes, say goodbye and delete them because your life is not worth staying in a toxic friendship. It will never build you up, it will always tear you down so be strong enough to say no to that. People are not perfect, they can say something by accident and apologize after. I am not talking about that. What I am talking about is friends who are just unapologetically rude or have a bully streak to them. It is not worth bringing it into your life or holding on to this person.
Having a friendship requires a give and take balance. It can’t be one-sided only or it doesn’t work. You want to feel equal and less like an assistant in a friendship. Do not tolerate a friendship that is too toxic to breathe in. You should not be crying over someone who is claiming to be your friend but is constantly hurting you. Know your value.
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Set the Boundaries
Let me be clear. I am not here to tell you that all your friends suck and that you need to remove them all. No, I am not saying that at all. What I am saying is to rethink your friend choices? It is okay to have boundaries for your friends of who you let into your life completely. What I am not saying is that you should be rude to people and say “I don’t like you”. All I am saying is to set a standard for yourself when it comes to friends.
You know the types of people you gravitate to or love hanging out with the most because you make that effort to spend time with them but also know when to let some friends go. Remember there are key things to friendships. That is equal communication, equal effort, humour, positivity and being able to be yourself. It is so important! These should be a foundation in every friendship that you enter into your life. Think about what qualities you look for in a friend.
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Long-Distance Friendships
What about long-distance friendships? Yes, you don’t have the luxury to hang out every day or every month but that is why computers and phones are so awesome. We can still follow their life, comment on photos and like everything they ever said. This is the new normal. We chat on phones and text but what if that doesn’t happen anymore. What if your life has changed and so has this friend from grade three. That is fine. As long as this person brings value in your life, is not toxic and makes an effort even if that is a reply to your comment, gives a monthly phone call or texts sometimes, it works.
You can make a long-distance friendship work by alternating visits or send a care package if you have the money to do so. These days you don’t really need to travel because we have phones and computers. You can send a photo through text, a funny meme, or ask how are you doing just talk about something your day. By putting each other in the loop of your day or week, you are making the effort as if you both live in the same city.
FOMO
The fear of missing out is everywhere. It is not just a hashtag but an actual feeling that everyone has and it drips into our friendships. We think we have to follow every single classmate since we started kindergarten or every work colleague from every single job we been in on Facebook or Instagram. AHH! We don’t have to. Just think about it for a moment. What are we missing out on… a girl who you never spoke to in school talking about her day at work or taking a picture of her food? What are we really missing out right now? You could have lived without knowing what she was eating.
In this case, you are going to have to declutter your social media. Unfollow, remove and delete people who are really there so you can say you follow this person or there to make you look popular. We all want to be liked or feel like we have 500+ friends on social media. If you actually hang out with all those people, you must have a busy schedule to keep up with hanging out with all those friends. Keep people who you really want to keep up with and not people you have no interest talking to.
Be Realistic in Friendship
In high school or at work, we see each other every single day. However, not everyone has the opportunity to work with our friends. As I am in my twenties, I don’t see all the friends I used to in high school. I see work friends more and a handful of high school friends. The honest truth is that you won’t be able to see your friends all the time because we are now on different schedules and finding time can be hard with work, school or family.
As I have gotten older and actually right after high school I realized something really quickly in friends. It is not about the quantity of friends but the quality. Believe me, that is something that I constantly remind myself and it works for all aspects of your life. It is all about the quality of the person you have in your life, not how many friends that claim to be your friends but lack the qualities that you value.
Remember that your needs in friendships are allowed to change. It is going to because we are constantly changing, growing and learning about ourselves. What we needed in high school is going to be different from what we need now just because our life has changed and is going to keep changing.
Final Thoughts
Right now you are probably feeling a certain way about this topic of decluttering your friends the right. Maybe you are having a shatter glass moment and rethinking your friendships in your life and on your social media. Maybe you have completely moved on about this topic and went elsewhere. If you stuck it to the end… I love you. This is just my view on how to declutter our friends.
People constantly come in and out of our lives. We all do it by deleting or unfollowing old friends or people we just know and maybe not 100% friends with. I am just naming it different and giving advice on how to reevaluate our friendships. Let me know if this helped you out!
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What do you think? Comment and tell me below!
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